Dream

I look back, and I can’t help but feel you’re a dream of mine.  And I’m stuck.

On the path that diverges from this one, we’re happy, and it just kind of makes me want to cry through tonight.  I might just do that anyway.

I refuse to believe that there isn’t some good way to still love you.  Still looking for that piece that’s not totally selfish, or, at least, not God-centered.  I don’t want to hold people hostage to this.

And I know that somehow this was the best for me and you and her.  It’s hard for me to believe.  If taking away some sort of idol was required in God’s plan, then why couldn’t He have chosen me?  Oceans of God’s word could crash around me, but acceptance and breaking comes slow.  How could I ever accept that you were taken at all, even for the smallest part, for my sake?

It sounds silly… knowing how far you’ve surely come by now, how could I desire to keep you here?  And when I do reach you, how stupid will it sound when I tell you that you were robbed too soon; that you missed out on so much?

When the waters do finally take me, and I’m crushed and sifted, what will be found?  Don’t let it be just a memory twisted by time and position.  Don’t let it consume me.  Please.  Help me be happy for you today; my sister’s life fulfilled; a broken love that points to the one who heals.

I want to remember you for you, and quit the dream.